I should be writing about “The Curve”, a new series I just started though I’ve not started posting any of its episodes because I’m still working on it. I can’t just bring myself to think about it just now, this is not the right time. I’m sad, and I don’t know why. I know I should be happy that a lot of things in my life are going on well as planned but I still feel a lot is missing. I miss having less worries, I know it would have sounded better if I said I miss having no worries but I’ve always had worries even as a child. I don’t know if I should be telling you all how I feel, I don’t know if I should not, I don’t know what to do right now but I guess I would just do as my fingers please. I’m crying right now and I don’t know why. Does anyone else ever have this kind of moment? Or is it just me? Am I weird? Or am I….I don’t know the word and I can’t even think, I’m too lazy to do that right now.
Looking back on the experiences I’ve had, what I’ve been through, what I’ve done bla bla, I don’t know if I should smile or not. I’ve experimented a lot of things, I don’t even know if the statement is correct but remember, I can’t think right now. No, I’m not a saint and no I’m not high, this is not one of those days besides, I’m not even in a position where I can do that right now. Its left for you to imagine how I get high and for those that know how, you can enlighten the rest assuming you know them. I used to be very sweet or is it that I used to be around a lot of sweet people? I don’t even know. I just know that I used to smile more and sleep with a smile on my face. These days, even in my sleep, I’m planning the next day’s activities or thinking about the day’s event.
I miss a lot of people; the person who tops that list is my best-friend Bisi. I never get to see her much these days because she’s not in Lagos, she’s in another state serving her fatherland or motherland, depends on the one you prefer. I miss our long talks every midnight about anything and everything. I miss telling her how much I love her and miss her. I miss annoying her, I miss bathing with her, I miss holding her, I miss going to the beach with her, I miss hugging her, I miss her a lot. I know she misses me too because she says so and I believe her. She doesn’t lie to me about me and even when she lies about other things, she confesses later. She’s my love, she’s my heart. One of the things I hope to work on this year is spending more time with her because she deserves it, she has shown me what true friendship looks like.
Another person I miss a lot is Bayo. I never thought I would write about Bayo this way. Bayo was the guy I thought I would be walking down the isle with few years from now. Bayo spoilt me with love and a lot other things. Bayo wouldn’t mind going to get me shawarma in the middle of the night. Bayo wouldn’t mind watching me sleep. Bayo wouldn’t mind making me breakfast in bed and making me dinner even though I love cooking. I’m very emotional now as I think about Bayo. Bayo is the most matured guy I’ve dated. He trusted me hundred percent. He starved for me on many occasions. Bayo made me very happy. No it wasn’t a perfect relationship but it was perfect enough, a lot of people wished for what we had. It’s all in the past now, I don’t want to be with him anymore. It’ll be two years since our break-up in march and I’ve been fine and I still would be. It just wouldn’t be fair to not acknowledge the fact that I miss Bayo just because I don’t want him to seem special. He was special but not anymore. Don’t ask why.
I miss a few other people, I miss Simon. Simon was my ride or die then in school. I loved Simon genuinely and he loved me too. No we didn’t date, we loved each other more than that. Simon was the first and only guy to teach me how to swim. He didn’t graduate without me even when he could. He stayed. Simon is still my ride or die but things have changed. He’s based in the North and I’m here in the west. I might not see Simon anytime soon but I miss him. I miss our long talks and walks. I miss reading with Simon. I miss being Simon’s mother as his girlfriend would usually tell me “Aanu, please make sure he eats” and for a foodie like me, he’s in trouble because he must eat. I miss calling him Simonchukwu then he’d call me NTA news. I miss crying on his shoulders in times of trouble. I miss Simon. I love Simon.
I miss Damola but I won’t talk about him. His would be a very long talk. Maybe I would write about him soon or never. I miss Biola, my “high’ partner, I miss us talking at five am. I miss Bola. Bola is one of the friends I wished I had been friends with earlier. I had always known Bola but we were just “hi hi” friends until we had to live together. Bola is the ideal best-friend but I already had mine and she wasn’t ready to be replaced. Bola means a lot to me. Bola was going to borrow money to pay my school fees until it miraculously got sorted out. Bola is a very selfless person. Bola is the only girl I know that can send me money when I’m broke and I would do the same for her. I love Bola. Bola is bae.
I thought I said I missed a lot of people earlier, well, I guess six is a lot. I miss a lot of other people but these are the people my finger chose tonight. Yes it is midnight. And I’m crying and writing. I don’t know why I’m writing this even if it’s not your business. It’s my blog and I choose to share these feelings with you because I love you. I love all of you who read my blog. It’s one of the things that make me happy asides God and money. I purposely skipped family. I love my siblings. I love food and I love shopping. I love being loved and I love love but sadly, I don’t get a lot of it these days or I’m I not letting it in? I don’t know. I just want more. A lot more than I’m getting. The only person that lets me know she loves me sincerely is Bisi. Bisi loves me a lot. Her mom loves me too. I’m the elder sister she never had even though she’s months ahead of me. I’m the one with the head and she’s the one with the heart. Don’t ask how.
I don’t know what to write anymore but I feel better now. I would probably cry some more but I think I’m fine still. I’m very confident………sometimes. I miss my teddy. I wish it was here right now but all I can see are the faces. Faces I’m indifferent towards. I need me some hugs. Only otompo can give me those. Otompo is what I named my teddy. Don’t ask what it means because I don’t know. It was a childhood sobriquet but I’m grown now or I just want to believe I’m grown so I think my teddy deserves the name. Maybe I would see a reflection of me in her. Tonight it’s a she, sometimes it’s a he, depends on my mood. Don’t ask if I’m ‘bi-‘. I love both sexes.
Facebook - Odusola Aanuoluwapo
Twitter - @odusolar
BBM - 2BC07AB1
Looking back on the experiences I’ve had, what I’ve been through, what I’ve done bla bla, I don’t know if I should smile or not. I’ve experimented a lot of things, I don’t even know if the statement is correct but remember, I can’t think right now. No, I’m not a saint and no I’m not high, this is not one of those days besides, I’m not even in a position where I can do that right now. Its left for you to imagine how I get high and for those that know how, you can enlighten the rest assuming you know them. I used to be very sweet or is it that I used to be around a lot of sweet people? I don’t even know. I just know that I used to smile more and sleep with a smile on my face. These days, even in my sleep, I’m planning the next day’s activities or thinking about the day’s event.
I miss a lot of people; the person who tops that list is my best-friend Bisi. I never get to see her much these days because she’s not in Lagos, she’s in another state serving her fatherland or motherland, depends on the one you prefer. I miss our long talks every midnight about anything and everything. I miss telling her how much I love her and miss her. I miss annoying her, I miss bathing with her, I miss holding her, I miss going to the beach with her, I miss hugging her, I miss her a lot. I know she misses me too because she says so and I believe her. She doesn’t lie to me about me and even when she lies about other things, she confesses later. She’s my love, she’s my heart. One of the things I hope to work on this year is spending more time with her because she deserves it, she has shown me what true friendship looks like.
I miss a few other people, I miss Simon. Simon was my ride or die then in school. I loved Simon genuinely and he loved me too. No we didn’t date, we loved each other more than that. Simon was the first and only guy to teach me how to swim. He didn’t graduate without me even when he could. He stayed. Simon is still my ride or die but things have changed. He’s based in the North and I’m here in the west. I might not see Simon anytime soon but I miss him. I miss our long talks and walks. I miss reading with Simon. I miss being Simon’s mother as his girlfriend would usually tell me “Aanu, please make sure he eats” and for a foodie like me, he’s in trouble because he must eat. I miss calling him Simonchukwu then he’d call me NTA news. I miss crying on his shoulders in times of trouble. I miss Simon. I love Simon.
I miss Damola but I won’t talk about him. His would be a very long talk. Maybe I would write about him soon or never. I miss Biola, my “high’ partner, I miss us talking at five am. I miss Bola. Bola is one of the friends I wished I had been friends with earlier. I had always known Bola but we were just “hi hi” friends until we had to live together. Bola is the ideal best-friend but I already had mine and she wasn’t ready to be replaced. Bola means a lot to me. Bola was going to borrow money to pay my school fees until it miraculously got sorted out. Bola is a very selfless person. Bola is the only girl I know that can send me money when I’m broke and I would do the same for her. I love Bola. Bola is bae.
I thought I said I missed a lot of people earlier, well, I guess six is a lot. I miss a lot of other people but these are the people my finger chose tonight. Yes it is midnight. And I’m crying and writing. I don’t know why I’m writing this even if it’s not your business. It’s my blog and I choose to share these feelings with you because I love you. I love all of you who read my blog. It’s one of the things that make me happy asides God and money. I purposely skipped family. I love my siblings. I love food and I love shopping. I love being loved and I love love but sadly, I don’t get a lot of it these days or I’m I not letting it in? I don’t know. I just want more. A lot more than I’m getting. The only person that lets me know she loves me sincerely is Bisi. Bisi loves me a lot. Her mom loves me too. I’m the elder sister she never had even though she’s months ahead of me. I’m the one with the head and she’s the one with the heart. Don’t ask how.
I don’t know what to write anymore but I feel better now. I would probably cry some more but I think I’m fine still. I’m very confident………sometimes. I miss my teddy. I wish it was here right now but all I can see are the faces. Faces I’m indifferent towards. I need me some hugs. Only otompo can give me those. Otompo is what I named my teddy. Don’t ask what it means because I don’t know. It was a childhood sobriquet but I’m grown now or I just want to believe I’m grown so I think my teddy deserves the name. Maybe I would see a reflection of me in her. Tonight it’s a she, sometimes it’s a he, depends on my mood. Don’t ask if I’m ‘bi-‘. I love both sexes.
Facebook - Odusola Aanuoluwapo
Twitter - @odusolar
BBM - 2BC07AB1
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