Communication In Relationships

What is wrong with people? What is wrong with marriages? Is it the people or the concept of marriage itself? I’m not married so I can’t say which is which but I guess I would truly know if I decide to walk down that road. You read and hear some stories and you’re ‘awwwwww-ing’, before you know it, you’re hearing something elsewhere and you’re ‘nawa-ing’. I don’t understand really. Recently, I read about the woman who moved out of her husband’s house just two months after they got married. It got me wondering why? When did communication become so difficult?

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I read about the bride who didn’t show up on her wedding day and it got me thinking about what could have possibly happened to warrant that, last minute discovery maybe. I wrote the first few lines of this article some time ago then I got stuck. What inspired me to keep writing this was what I read today about a woman. She made it known publicly that if her husband begins to not take his looks very seriously, she would cheat on him.

It sounded funny and ridiculous at the same time, I mean, someone is already planning to cheat. She said her dad was almost not taking his looks seriously and her mum didn’t like it so she (her mum) complained and her dad started hitting the gym and he still does till date. Who doesn’t want a sexy man who’s fit and good-looking? I don’t see anyone raising their hands. To be honest, we cannot all have that. Some of us would have it, some would have ‘almost it’ and some would have nothing close to it. 

When did a man’s physique become a criterion for cheating? I didn’t say marriage because in this case, they were already married. We have men with great bodies that are not great husbands and we have men without ‘not too bad’ bodies who are great husbands. My point, great bodies don’t necessarily mean great husbands. Again, people grow; they get busy and are not too available to do the things they used to, not because they can’t but because there’s no time too. If a man spends all his time trying to look fit, the six packs bla bla, what time would he have to make money? (Just saying though, some people still try regardless)

Just the same way beauty in females isn’t a criterion for choosing a partner, that’s the same way it should not be a criteria for staying in a marriage. This is just my personal opinion hence it’s not binding. I don’t think any woman who considers herself wife material would go into a marriage with the intention of cheating later if the man’s body gets ugly. Wedding vows mean nothing now? A journey of a lifetime one wants to end for the love of sexual experience from another man, o ga o!

Apparently, some people are not just ready for the journey of marriage. It’s not about how much time you don’t have on your side, it’s about if you’re ready to stick with one partner through thick and thin, sexy-ness and unsexy-ness. As long as there’s love, respect, comfort, whatever other quality needed in a great marriage, I think that’s all. This is not to mean that married people shouldn’t make individual efforts towards looking great for their partners. If you don’t look good for your partner, who will? I mean, you should smell good, dress well and shed some weight if you can, if you can’t, your partner should be able to love you in your imperfection.

I was going to end this story here when I remembered the 83 day old marriage between a 70 year old man and an 85 year old man that just got dissolved because the man felt the woman didn’t respect him enough. This is proof that it doesn’t always go wrong with young adults alone, even older people experience these things. What then do we do? Is walking away always the answer? How about some dialogue? No?

Okay I’m done. My point? Communication is key. Walking away should be the last resort. Get married when you’re ready to stop flirting among other things you should be ready for. Look for other virtues in a person other than the obvious (looks) and if you find someone who has both, good for you. No one is perfect hence tolerance is needed when necessary.

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