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Bus Partners In Nigeria

In the course of our daily movement from place to place, we encounter different kinds of people. Our focus today is on the kind of people we meet in public transport. If you’ve never taken public transport, this is not for you because you might not be able to relate. If you fall into any of these categories *lipsaresealed*, if you’re not, I got you covered. 

My fellow public transport-ers, kindly read on.

The Preachers; if you’ve never encountered any preacher in a bus or keke, it means you’ve not been taking public transport or maybe you’ve just been uber-ing. There are different kinds of public transport preachers. We have the aggressive preachers who say something like “give your life to Christ now or you’ll die” “if you use earring or makeup, you’re from the devil”, oga calm down na, they are the ones who command you to surrender to God like it’s a do or die (it actually is when looked at closely). We have the horror movie preachers who tell you about how someone was preached to in a bus the way they’re preaching to you and refused to listen and died before they got to their destination, bla bla. They keep scaring you with all the stories hoping someone will change their mind and give their life to Christ. We have the realistic preachers, they are the ones who are gentle in their approach, they just let you know the advantages and disadvantages of your actions and hope that the Holy Spirit penetrates your heart to make the word sink in so it won’t stand against you on the last day. Some of them pass you offering envelopes when you close your eyes to pray and some people are so used to them that they give them offering before they even ask. Okay, enough of preachers.

The Bus Captains; this position is only vacant when there is no conductor, a person takes it upon him or herself to collect the bus fare from passengers, give them ‘change’ then give it to the driver for confirmation that his ‘money’ is complete. Some of them act bossy when they attain this temporary position and sometimes, others have to remind them that they are also passengers so they’d stop feeling special.

The Beggars; these are the people who can’t keep their eyes off other people’s ‘chewables’, they’re either pregnant, old or just plain covetous, there’s no in between. Its okay to admire what someone is eating but when you eventually find the courage to ask, that means you’ve gotten to the next level.

The Lawyers; these are the people who fight on behalf of others in the bus. When the conductor refuses to give someone change or the driver is rude to someone, they take it personal while the victim just watches.

The Artists; these are the people who play their phone music on speaker, if it’s not on speaker, they sing along to whatever is playing into their ears off key enough to disturb the rest of the passengers.

The Scammers; these are the people that try their best not to pay their bus fare when everyone is paying, until the driver begins to shout on top his voice, that’s if they had not alighted then. Some preachers use this technique to avoid paying bus fares, it works some times and doesn’t work sometimes depending on the driver or conductor.



The Staffs; these are the people who refer to themselves as staff, they’re either high ranked touts or uniform men. I’d have said policemen/women but even road safety officials do same. Sometimes, the conductors and drivers even refer to these people as staff thinking that they will be exempted from paying those ‘dues’ they pay on the road. It works sometimes maybe due to the rank of the person and sometimes, it doesn’t.

The Talkers; these are the people that can say their entire life history in the bus or over the phone. They say how much they sent to the client, how much they intend to withdraw, when they travelled abroad, even up to their families spiritual issues. They’ll later be wondering who robbed them if they get robbed later.

The Lap-pers; these are the ones who enter the bus in threes or fours and they just want to pay for one seat so the eldest pushes the rest to other passengers so they can ‘lap’ them to cut cost. Some mothers do it, most likely to cut cost. Some don’t even push them to others, they just try to make all of them sit in between and on their lap until someone decides to offer their lap.


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