Living in
Lagos is a skill, that's what everyone is shouting. Even those who aren't
living in Lagos are shouting and I'm just there like what? Biko shut up already
before I...well, what can I do? I can barely help myself right now. Would have
been easy if I could go back home but I can't even. Imagine oh, I left home by
12. I work as a customer service officer for wekofoam. On this day, I lied to
fam that I had work meanwhile it was my off day. The plan was to go to Gbola’s
place. Gbola was bae at the time so it was a love inspired trip. I stayed at a
place called Enilolobo meaning ‘the person who went is the person who came
back’. Whoever made those names though and it wasn't even a Lagos place. It was
somewhere like 10 minutes from where actual Lagos started from my end - Ishaga.
My afternoon shift usually starts at 2pm so I leave home by 11:30 to join the
bus by 12. So I left around that same time on this fake work day. I had no cash
so I planned to use the atm. On getting there, network was bad and the bank was
far. I was stranded. I couldn't go back home because I had no transport and no
one was home plus how would I explain why I didn't go to work anymore. Long
journey abeg so I decided to take shortcut. I called Gbola immediately to
explain the situation, he began to sound like someone who didn’t understand
English and I had no chill at the time. I just called two other friends to help
with an urgent transfer of 1k each to my other account that had a branch where
I was. I'm sure you're probably wondering why I didn't ask Gbola to send it.
Gbola was the last person I wanted to talk to considering the weight of his
offense. I needed to give him a piece of my mind though. I entered the bus to
Agege from Fagba where I got cash then entered the bus to Ojuelegba. Gbola
warned me not to enter it “straight” as it takes a longer time but I wasn't in
the mood to listen to his advice. Agege to Ikeja didn't take time but from
Ikeja to Ojuelegba, I had slept and woken up a lot of times. It made me miss
those days when bikes were everywhere, I'm sure I'd have gotten there before
Gbola gets to say 'baby, I...'
Allow me
to rewind to five years before Gbola, I was an intern somewhere in Ikeja. 3
months internship. Two of my school mates were interning there as well so it
was fun for me and I hardly went home by 4 when we closed. We hung out a bit
around then went our separate ways. I wasn't even bothered about being late
because there were bikes to make up for the time I'll spend in traffic. On one
of those days, I took a bike to Enilolobo from Agege. I met this guy called
Omotola whose number I eventually saved as Omotola bike mate. 'Yes I've sent
the money, I'm going to Ghana next week. Yes oh, my passport is ready. Yeah
300k or so, it's cheap sha' were his responses on the phone. Forming Ghana what
what. If you see him ehn, short thing with a head bigger than his body. He
started a conversation and I indulged him so he'll pay my transport (no dulling
abeg). Turned out he stayed not far from me so he wanted us to go and come back
together every day. He even insisted that I saved his number with dear, I'm
like what? Of course I didn't say that. He first asked what I saved his name
with, told him his name. He wanted to see but I refused. Didn't want to break
his fake heart.
One thing
I like about Lagos is that you can be whatever you want to be. There are
opportunities everywhere, at least from my experience. Might not pay you much
but you'll get something to stress you sha. I could have been an actress now if
I took the chance then but if you were me, you probably wouldn't want to. The
chance sat beside me in a BRT from Oshodi to Obalende. She looked like
something out of an Enilolobo jamb lesson, if you know, you know. Only with
fake lashes, artificial nails and synthetic hair. When she spoke, I had to look
around me to be sure I was the one being addressed. She asked if I'd love to be
an actress. I said I didn't mind out of curiosity. Her English ehn, may God
help us. She could be acting in pidgin sha. Forgot to tell you that she was
also chewing gum as she spoke. I looked at her baked face that was more make up
than actual face. She told me her name was Kelele. I mean who names their kids Kelele. Maybe it means something like 'my lord shall make me wise' but what do
I know? She gave me her number and insisted I called her so she'll save mine. I
told her I had no airtime but I'd call her because I've always been looking for
the opportunity to be like her. Me that cannot hold Mike for testimony. Kelele
and I went our separate ways. I was very happy because now I can gist you about
it.
I still don't
know how people get fat in Lagos, like how do you do it with all the stress
you're living in. The mental, physical and emotional stress that doesn't even
necessarily lead to financial independence. What's the point biko? See, I'm a
well trained child. I mean correct home training, respect and all but in Lagos,
I have to drop my home training at home when going out because #shineyoureyes.
If you're not careful, you've sold your generation. Computer village is a
magical place, a lot of magical stuff happen there and I'm speaking abracadabra
magic. How do those guys do it. You buy
a phone, test it and pay only for you to get home and meet a scrubbing stone
carved in the form of a phone in your package. At least it happened to me. An
experience I can never forget. I had been saving for this phone for a long
time. I had just finished secondary school then. I hustled 10k from all the
errands I had been sent for like 3 months. My bestie then Kike gave me 3k
making it 13k. It was her idea though, everyone was on 2go except me. I was
dying everyday until kike brought up the idea. She asked me to hustle 10k and
she'll add 3k. Friends of life. She actually held up her part of the bargain.
We went together on this fateful day. We were supposed to be attending jamb lesson
but we left for computer village. On getting there, we saw a lot of guys
dragging us from left to right. We didn't even know where to go until one guy
came to us. He told us we could be scammed if we bought from any other person
apart from him so we did the most sensible thing we thought. We bought from
him. I still have my scrubbing stone till this day.
Tell us your funny experiences in Lagos, we want to laugh...hehe
Facebook - Odusola Aanuoluwapo
Instagram - @aanusol
Twitter - @odusolar
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